Transition Tears

I haven’t blogged in a while mainly because I just didn’t know what u wanted to say. The month is coming to a close and so much has happened. The growing pains are continuing but I feel more peace and resilience with each trial that comes my way. The constant question that plagues is how can hope still abound when life seems to continue to fall apart?

I’ve reached a new level of adulthood where I’m learning to stand on my own and trust myself. I’ve had to make so many tough decisions about the path that I want me life to take. I feel like I’m reintroducing myself to me.

Through this process, I’ve finally experienced the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for and restoration can finally begin. But I realize that I’ve put God in a corner and tucked Him away. At first I thought it was because I was angry but I’m realizing that I’m just exhausted and indifferent when it comes to pretty much anything in life right now.

This month I can honestly say for the first time I’m building a friendship with God. Like we talk all the time and I like who I’m becoming because I’m gradually surrendering pieces of myself to Him. I’m rebuilding so many things in my life but it started with choosing to build trust with the Lord. It’s scary and uncomfortable but it feels amazing at the same time. I no longer feel like I’m going through the hard things alone. I couldn’t say that a month ago.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Romans 12:12 NIV

I feel like each month varies in the way I’m prioritizing this command. Last month I was doing pretty well with the first two commands but the last one was a struggle. This month I’m doing well with the last two commands and the first one is a struggle. How do you keep hope alive through the transition?

I’ve been waiting for the transition tears to come and these last few weeks I’ve cried more than I have in years. I had to realize that it’s because I’m no longer in survival mode but I’m learning what it looks like to thrive and how to live well. So that’s a reason to be joyful in hope. I don’t know where this chapter will lead but I know that I’m finally becoming the Maya that I want to be and most importantly the Maya that makes Jesus smile. So for now, that sounds pretty good to me.