I had an ugly cry. One of those cried filled with snot an anguish, not knowing if it will ever end. I just started crying for no reason because I missed my grandpa. I’ve been through a lot these past several months and the fact that I was going through it without him finally caught up with me.
My grandfather was there for every major event of my life. My cancer diagnosis happened about 5 months after he passed. Whenever I called him, he always knew the right words to say, how to reassure me. I always looked forward to our conversations because he just knew how to calm me down and help me know that something better was coming.
Going through this cancer journey has been hard when you don’t have that extra reassuring voice in your head. Honestly I feel like I didn’t realize how much I needed it until now, when he’s gone to the heavens. Now I find myself alone trying to reassure myself, or trying to figure out what he would say to me in this moment of uncertainty.
Nothing in life prepare’s us for loss. But nothing in life also prepares us for the fresh things that lie ahead. Sometimes a loss is the key to a new chapter. If I were to sum up the month of May, I would say maybe I’m taking the first steps into whatever my next chapter is. But a part of me is still sad because of the grief of knowing that my grandfather won’t be part of this next chapter.
If you have any tips for processing the grief of the loss of a grandparent, please pass it along.