I’m sad to say it’s true. These past few months have taught me more about myself than I though it could. I feel at times I’ve been pushed to my limit only to find I could be pushed even farther. I was angry at God. I questioned His goodness. How could a loving God who created us in His image just sit back and allow crime, poverty, injustice and inequity to plague His children? I doubted the goodness of God. This season of wrestling with God has been a rough one but all that I can say as I’m coming out on the other side is…
“…Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.””
Genesis 28:16 NIV
I’m learning more and more each day about how lost I am without Christ. I really cannot do this on my own and I’m foolish whenever I try. But God’s grace is truly sufficient. He’s been patient as I’ve learned the hard lessons. And has given me tough love to see them through. I’ve learned faith over feelings is a real thing. Of course our feelings are valid but we have to always live with the perspective that God is greater than them. I’ve been in moments where I’m just ready to give in the towel but with those small seeds of faith to hold on longer I find find myself here:
““Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?””
Matthew 14:31 NIV
I think the key word is faith.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Hebrews 11:1 NIV
It’s not a sin to doubt or to question God but the moment we let it overtake us, we’re on a very dangerous path that can lead us further away from God. So instead I’m learning to approach God with everything. He loves to hear from us. And with every doubt and concern I bring Him, He gives me a perspective and a joy I can take back to my circumstance. Each time I do that my faith gets stronger and doubt gets smaller and I start to truly believe that maybe, just maybe, His grace is truly sufficient.
Confessions of an Enduring Optimist 